Hubby's Sweater: Samson vs. the Pirate Squirrels

I was peacefully knitting away on Hubby's sweater last night when I heard a ruckus in the backyard.

I went to check it out and found a swarm of pirates...NO...squirrels...NO...pirate squirrels boiling out of the ravine!

They were brandishing plastic cocktail swords like so many furious, furry, Lilliputians.

They demanded the sweater, which they intended to use as a flag, or to line their nests. I'm not really sure. I don't speak squirrel.

It was so frightening I started to swoon and dropped the sweater.

The pirate squirrels snatched it up and began retreating back across the yard.

Just at that moment Samson and Baru appeared, drawn by the commotion.

Samson cried, "Fear not, fair lady! I shall retrieve the Alpha's sweater for you!" and charged into the yard barking like a crazy puppy.

Baru said, "I will make sure there aren't more under the bed!" and ran upstairs, barking over his shoulder for good measure.

The pirate squirrels were so scared at the sight of Samson barreling down on them that they dropped the sweater and fled.

Samson returned it to me unharmed (aside from a little slobber). But then I had to spend an hour untangling the balls of yarn that were attached to it.

It is so comforting to know my knitting and I are well protected.

What? You don't believe me? Well, it could happen.

On the other hand, it is more likely that what has happened is a plain stockinette, 51 inch chest, drop shoulder, men's sweater isn't such good blog fodder.

At least, not once you're past the complicated ribbing.

Making Myself Paranoid

First up, I've conquered the damn doily!
I was able to knock out the edging last night while Hubby was playing Madden football and before we started watching T:TSCC (which is still being stupid. So much false tension. And this one computer geek was responding unrealistically to an AI situation.)
(remember, you can click a small picture to see a larger view.)
Again, being paranoid, I did not cut the yarn, but stuck a safety pin through the last stitch to keep it live.
I had a moment of grand annoyance after I wet it down and pseudo-blocked it out (I didn't pin it, just stretched it with my hands and smoothed it out) because it was measuring 13 inches.
Really I was ready to shriek, but I had hopes it would shrink down a bit when it dried.
Which, happily, it did. Some parts might measure 12.5 inches, but basically it's 12 inches across, which is close enough for me!
Now I can move ahead and make the other two. phew.

Bad Novel Choice
As for the title of this post.
My library offers free digital audio book downloads. They used to only work with PCs, but now some titles are compatible with Macs and iPods, which is thrilling, except of course for the title I really want (Brisingr). So I got I am Legend instead, which I've never read but we saw the Will Smith movie last year.
I don't usually do the horror thing as I'm much too suggestible. Ask Hubby, it's really not pretty at all.

Can We Defend This Place?
So now I'm wondering how defensible the house is.
Really, zombie attacks and Mad Max type situations were not top-of-mind when we were house hunting.
Of course the front of the house is open to assault, but we have ravines on either side, which should help.
The ground drops off pretty steeply on the kitchen side, so we should be safe there. But the dining room side has the yard. Because of the ravine on that side, they couldn't approach head-on en mass, but they could still get to it fairly easily.
Of course, the back of the house is practically all glass, which is cause for concern.
Most of the back porch is over the ravine, but one corner of it is over the back yard.
Between the inaccessibility, the alarm system, and the dogs, I think we're safe from human intruders, but a determined, blood-sucking monster might not be so easily deterred and could probably climb up.
I might have to revisit the Zombie Attack Plan thread on Ravelry (password required) to see how to address this situation.
And people wonder why I don't sleep well when Hubby is out of town.

Another Submission for The Onion

In an act of domestic terrorism that authorities are saying could have been inspired by the movie "Fight Club" someone has blown up the corporate headquarters for Sallie Mae, the largest student loan lender in the country. Sources investigating the case, who spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the investigation, say it might have been an inside job because the companies data backup sites both domestically and abroad where hit as well. As the attacks happened overnight, no injuries were reported.
"This has basically wiped out all our records of any loan we have ever issued," a Sallie Mae spokesman says. He went on to say that any potential borrowers will have to resubmit their applications. The company also issued an appeal for any borrowers currently in repayment to contact them to reestablish their records, although the spokesman admitted it was highly unlikely they would hear from many people.
It is unclear how this development will affect the student lending market, which has been rocked by both the credit crunch this year and an investigation last year by New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo into improper relationships between lenders and financial aid officers. The company's stock did drop several percentage points when the news was announced.

N.B. The preceding is a work of fiction and satire. It is not meant to encourage any action. Any resemblance to real people or institutions is either coincidental or used in a fictional manner by the author.

I Should Write for The Onion

Harvard announced today that it would be buying the country of Liechtenstein, a small European country between Switzerland and Austria, and relocating operations. The move is expected to take place in a year or two, depending on when the infrastructure in the new location is prepped to accommodate the influx of new residents, and the sale of Harvard's current property holdings in Massachusetts.
"People are frequently saying our endowment is worth more than the gross domestic profit of many small countries," says president Drew Gilpin Faust. "Our research shows it was time to leverage that fact." Faust added that the discussion of taxing large university endowments in both the U.S. Congress and the state of Massachusetts contributed to the decision to relocate.

NB: The preceding is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real people or institutions is either coincidental or used in a fictional manner by the author.