Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Another Submission for The Onion

In an act of domestic terrorism that authorities are saying could have been inspired by the movie "Fight Club" someone has blown up the corporate headquarters for Sallie Mae, the largest student loan lender in the country. Sources investigating the case, who spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the investigation, say it might have been an inside job because the companies data backup sites both domestically and abroad where hit as well. As the attacks happened overnight, no injuries were reported.
"This has basically wiped out all our records of any loan we have ever issued," a Sallie Mae spokesman says. He went on to say that any potential borrowers will have to resubmit their applications. The company also issued an appeal for any borrowers currently in repayment to contact them to reestablish their records, although the spokesman admitted it was highly unlikely they would hear from many people.
It is unclear how this development will affect the student lending market, which has been rocked by both the credit crunch this year and an investigation last year by New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo into improper relationships between lenders and financial aid officers. The company's stock did drop several percentage points when the news was announced.

N.B. The preceding is a work of fiction and satire. It is not meant to encourage any action. Any resemblance to real people or institutions is either coincidental or used in a fictional manner by the author.

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